even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
