This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
