If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
