I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize