Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
