I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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