Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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