best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
