remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
