There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
