If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
