This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
