I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
