rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize