Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
