how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am one with the molecules
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize