Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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