I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
