I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
