she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
