sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
