Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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