Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
