I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
