I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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