I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
