When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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