i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
