Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
