Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
