So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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