We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize