Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize