I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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