just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
