What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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