i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
