how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize