Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
