She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
