The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
