So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
