you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
