Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
