lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
