she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I met the friendliest cop last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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