Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
