just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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