Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
