Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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