I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
