I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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