Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
