roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
