Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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