Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
