I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
