see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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