So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no you cant smoke seaweed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
