There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
