are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
