Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
