I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize