I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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