My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize