I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
